Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
