Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize