I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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