Well douche your snatch and let's go!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
