my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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