Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize