You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
