I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
