I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
