Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
