mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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