A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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