I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
