I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
