the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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