i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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