Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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