It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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