My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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