so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
And the cops told us we were all naked.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
