No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
