I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
