the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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