Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
