Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
