I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
