Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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