How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
