I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
