my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
