maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
