i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize