at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize