I look better un-naked...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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