How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
