i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
