i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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