dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
