dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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