I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
