I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
