I just pynch a tree in the face
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
wow bdsm is so cute
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
