I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
