Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
