Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
