he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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