called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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