I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
