i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
