We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
