Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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