you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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