Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
