I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize