well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Ladies don't puke and tell
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
