I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
