Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
