Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
