Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
