I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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