so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
