i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
