What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I want to fling myself into the sun
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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