Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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